I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
