I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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