K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
