hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize