Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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