Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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