Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize