im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
