Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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