They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
