i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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