Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
