I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
