So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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