You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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