What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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