Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize