we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
