They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
