i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
