Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
