the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize