She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
