So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
