So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
