tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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