forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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