Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
