are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize