I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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