there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
