my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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