Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
