You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
