Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
