Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
