East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
