So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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