so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
