Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
