I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
