i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
