it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
