Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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