just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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