Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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