He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize