i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
