Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
