new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
