Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize