who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
