I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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