their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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