Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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