And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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