I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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