It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
