just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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