I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
