Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
