a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
