And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
