You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
