I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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