We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
