It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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