I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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