you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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