Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
