it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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