1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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