just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
