I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ttyl tear gas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
