i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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