Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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