Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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