So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
from now on my penis is your penis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
