Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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