My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've blown a few things in my day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
