$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
